By Jason Arango:
The new Denny's All Nighter commercial is shamelessly (and smartly) targeting the one core group of customers you're likely to find in a Denny's at 3:00 am, stoners. By featuring a talking t-rex, a stoned unicorn, and a sarcastic leprechaun, Denny's has achieved a tic-tac-toe of advertising absurdity...but somehow it manages to work. Even though the commercial makes almost no sense (how does the t-rex eat his pancakes with those tiny little arms?), it doesn't really matter one bit. Denny's seems to be onto something here, and when you're getting well reasoned YouTube comments like, "damn this is the best comercial ever! just like the unicorn and t-rex, i love to get supa stoned and go to Dennys ..." you know you're doing something right.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Scopitone- Sado Maso
Scopitone is a type of jukebox featuring a 16 mm film component. It was a forerunner of music video. The Italian Cinebox/Colorama and Color-Sonics were competing, lesser-known technologies of the time.
Based on technology developed during World War II, color 16 mm film clips with a magnetic soundtrack were designed to be shown in a specially designed jukebox. The first Scopitones were made in FranceSado Maso is from France circa 1960's ...It's an ode to S&M, sang by a dude with a face that looks like it was flattened by a shovel..sado maso indeed
French speakers out there should check this out. The lyrics for the song are hilarious.
Basically the song is a back and forth exchange between a man and a woman into S & M and what they want to do to each other. The song opens with the Man screaming "OWWWWW! That's GOOOOD!!!!", then leads to exchanges like:
Man: Eat this spider!
Woman: Ok, but that's the last one.
Man: It's time for you to get whipped!
Woman: Oh great, I love that!
Man: Now burn my chest!
Woman: With what my love?
Man: Use your cigarette!
Woman: It's smells like grilled pork!
Needless to say, it's unlikely much research on the topic was done for versimilitude. But the idea of people hitting the dance floor to this song is pretty funny.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I know there's a depression on but DAMN!
Just look at Old Navy, getting rich while you're headed to the poorhouse, laughing all the way at you and your cotton briefs. Do you know where cotton comes from? Of course not, no one does, and that's how they trick you.
But now you can fight back against those imperialist bastards and their precious textiles by simply making your own clothing out of the hair you brush out of your mangy pets each and every day.
With only minimal shame and an excessive amount of effort, you can buy a book that will show you how to spin your dog or cat's fur into yarn which you can then knit into sweaters, purses, thongs or whatever hideous thing you choose.
No longer will you be a slave to seasonal fashion trends. Instead you'll just be a slave to how long it takes your Shih Tzu to grow in a full coat so you can finish off those pants you've been working on. And the best of all, the finished product, well, totally looks like clothing made of dog hair.
When trying to be socially relevent goes terribly wrong
Star Trek, Episode 76: "This Way to Eden."
When we call the Catullans Space Hippies, we're not joking. That's what they are. They're also responsible for what is probably the lowest point in Star Trek history, as you'll see shortly.
In the episode, the Enterprise is tracking a stolen spaceship, which they manage to catch up to when the irresponsible layabouts piloting it let the engines overheat. The ship stealing aliens are beamed aboard, and upon arrival they immediately start busting out trippy tunes on their space guitars and rebelling against the Man, rudely chanting "Herbert" at Kirk whenever he tries to talk sense into their thick hippie skulls.
Come on guys, be cool, if you just got to know Kirk you'd realize the only reason he keeps hanging around is because he's hoping for an orgy to break out.
Which brings us to the video clip, the aforementioned low point for Star Trek as a franchise. Charles Napier in rainbow colored hotpants jamming with Commander Spock? The seamy seduction of Ensign Chekov? Gene Roddenberry was clearly willing to go to any lengths to deliver his important anti-hippie message:
Wash your damn hands before touching that
Oh boy. Ohhhhh boy. Okay, Bot flies. There are dozens of varieties of Bot Fly, they're each highly adapted to target a specific animal, they have delightfully descriptive names like Horse Stomach Bot Fly, Sheep Nose Bot Fly and, hey, guess what. One of them is called Human Bot Fly.
They each have a different and elaborate reproductive cycle, all of which end with a fat, half-inch maggot embedded in living flesh. Feeding.
Don't know much about history?
The Horny Kid
Apparently the Mendesians (a group of ancient Egyptians) venerated the goat; especially the male ones (typical sexists eh?). In fact, goats were so special that every now and then the Mendesians would all get together, choose some especially virile goat, and all watch it have "intercourse with a woman in full view of everybody". (Herodotus, The Histories)
Ever see Bachelor Party?
Not That There's Anything Wrong With That
The Roman emperor Elagabalus (218-222) dug women's fashion. He liked it so much that he constantly wore women's clothing in public, and acted with all "the manners of the female sex". But wait, that's not all. Apparently he also had a harem of 'mates' to whom he apportioned great titles to, one even being officially titled Emperess's Husband. The Praetorian Guards didn't like it too much though. They ended up repeatedly slashing him, dragging his effeminate body though the streets, and then throwing him into the Tiber. Nobody knows what happened to his bitches.(Gibbon, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire)
Huh. J. Edgar Hoover got off easy (no pun intended).
Waste Not
The ancient Massagetae were even more waste conscious than the Eskimos. Not only did they freely share their wives with one another (just "hang up your quiver in front of her wagon and then enjoy her without misgiving"), but they also had efficient parties. When a Massagetaen deemed themselves too old to keep on living, they threw themselves a massive going-away binge. The whole family would show up and pay their respects by first killing them, then boiling them down with some cattle meat (for spice), and then top it all off by eating every last bite (leftovers were disrespectful). "This they consider to be the best sort of death." (Herodotus)
See? Jeffery Dahmer was just an old-fashioned conservative.
Whips, Chips, Chains, and Vegetables
During the Roman Golden Age, the penalty for adultery was a mob beating followed by a large radish violently shoved up your ass. (Lucian, The Death of Peregrinus)
The centuries of progress are to be measured by the hamsters of Richard Gere's anus.
The Bigger the Bag, the Bigger the Box
In ancient Lydia, every woman came with a dowry upon marriage. However, the larger the dowry, the lesser the snugness. Apparently every "working-class girl in Lydia prostitute(d) themselves without exception to collect money for their dowries". So if a man married a gal with a hefty bag of cash, they were also guaranteed to get professional lifetime care. What a combo. Bonus for the ladies though: "They choose their own husbands." (Herodotus)
Bet they didn't have a 50% divorce rate.
And HE said unto them: "Keep the chitlins and drumsticks; torch the rest."
According to Moses, the Lord said he really gets giddy when you bring a nice bull into your home, kill it, cut it up in neat pieces (placing its "entrails and its legs" aside for washing), collect the blood and splatter it all over the place (including on everyone present), and then torch the remains. The ensuing stench creates "a pleasing odor to the Lord." Well, except the legs and entrails. Those are yours to keep. What a nice God. (Leviticus, 1:8-9)
Do you need fangs?
How about fake tattoo's, or contact lenses? This is the place for your one stop Goth shopping needs: http://www.vampfangs.com/
Jan Terri-Video Goddess
Jan Terri, an enigmatic outsider musician from Chicago, became a dubious celebrity in her own right after releasing a number of self-produced songs and accompanying videos on VHS in the 1990s. Among her "hits" were Losing You, Baby Blues, Get Down Goblin and the must-see Rock-'n'-Roll Santa (which has been covered by Yo La Tengo). Her music videos were so earnest and popular for their camp value that Marilyn Manson eventually enlisted her to sing at a birthday party of his and the Daily Show invited her on. However, she hasn't really been heard from since. Has Jan Terri given up her dream?
Jesco White- The dancing outlaw
Jesco (Jesse) White, the "Dancing Outlaw", (b. Bandytown, West Virginia, July 30, 1956) is an acclaimed mountain dancer and entertainer. He is best known as the subject of two documentary films that detail his desire to follow in his famous father's footsteps, while trying to overcome depression, drug addiction, and the poverty that afflicts much of rural Appalachia.
Jesco White was born in Bandytown, a tiny community located in the Appalachian Mountains of Boone County, West Virginia.
His father was Donte vixen Ray (Donald Ray) White (1927-1985), who was profiled in the PBS documentary Talking Feet, and his mother is Birty Mae White. Before his murder, D. Ray White was known as one of the greatest mountain dancers in the United States.[citation needed] His style, along with Jesco's, is a subtle mix of tap and clog dancing that is native to Appalachia.
White met his wife Norma Jean on Christmas Eve of 1974 while hitchhiking to a party with a cousin. He had originally intended on robbing her, but instead fell in love. This claim on his part is likely a romanticizing of their first meeting and refers to the Tim Hardin song "[The Lady Came From Baltimore]" as performed by Johnny Cash, in which the lyric "I was there to steal her rings and run/Then I fell in love with the lady and got away with none" appears. In the documentary, Dancin' Outlaw, Jesco refers to the song specifically. Their on-again, off-again marriage was one of the focal points of the first documentary.
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